When did someone else's family planning becoming appropriate casual conversation?

Ben and I have been married for three years.

Since we got engaged the most frequent question I have consistently gotten is, "So when are you going to have kids?"

What they really meant:
Are you having them right away?
What are your life plans for the next few years? Do they involve kids?
Do you know you shouldn't put off anything for kids?
DO NOT have kids - they'll ruin your life. 

After a year or two of marriage what they meant:
I'm just trying to get to know you and am curious about when you'll add kids to your family. 
Why don't you have kids yet?
Do you even want to have children?

Sometimes they come from close friends and family - but generally I like the rule, 'if you have to ask, you don't get to know.' Sometimes the questions come from a kind and caring place, sometimes from a harsh and judgmental one. But it doesn't really matter - because think about the question...think about what you're asking...think about the potential answers. Are you really comfortable asking that? Do you think they'll be comfortable answering?

When I was in college I had no trouble answering the question, and to be honest, it didn't bother me at all. I was waiting (at least) till I graduated. I felt no need, no pressure, no expectation, and no desire to go through pregnancy, childbirth, or child rearing while taking a full course schedule and working 20 hours a week.

When we moved to Cincinnati it wasn't as easy to answer, because the days of full time school were behind me and I wasn't working full time yet. Those first few months though, I didn't have an answer for myself so there was no need to be uncomfortable telling anyone else.

It was a few months later, when I desperately wanted to be pregnant that it got a little bit harder. They would ask and I would have a thousand responses come to mind:

Do you really want to know the inner workings of my reproductive system? Do you want to hear how my period has come once in the past eight months? Do you want to hear about how I'm dreading the specialists, the tests, and what they might tell me? Or maybe you want to know about how much fun the actual trying process is? Do I need to explain how it works? ....

But, I just smiled and told them 'sometime'.

Now I get the questions and I want to laugh, because little do they know but there is a little miracle inside me right now. Right as they ask their unnecessary questions, its stealing my nutrients, making me sick, and bringing me so much joy already.

But how do they know? I could be like my dear friend, having seen every specialist and still waiting, heartbroken. When I get these questions I get angry for her, because I know she's getting them too. It doesn't matter how genuinely curious you are, how good your intentions are, or how great your 'need to know.'

I find myself doing it to, wanting to know what other people are planning, if they're going through what I did, or something far more difficult. Maybe they just don't want kids, or maybe I think I deserve to know if they can't yet.

But I don't. And you don't either.

So please, please, please, think before you ask. 

rant over. 

P.S. This was written sometime during my first trimester...but its been on my mind for years. What do you think? When is it appropriate to ask? Is it ever? What's the best way to ask? 

^this picture reminded me of the popular baby announcement pictures where they line up feet/shoes and add in baby booties (full anniversary shoot here)

Summer Dinner // Date Night Edition

When one of your favorite restaurants asks you to review their seasonal menu - you do a little happy dance. Thanks P.F. Chang's for sponsoring this post! 

I'd banished this whole morning sickness thing (because after over a month of practice I should be able to do that) for almost a week and I was embracing this second trimester business with open arms -- until seven am yesterday rolls around and my regular morning cereal .... well, yeah.

And so it was back to sipping ginger ale all day (out of a champagne flute no less) and hoping it was a random fluke because nothing was going to get me to cancel date night. You can't cancel on P.F. Chang's, you just can't.

Nine hours later Ben came home and I was ready (I didn't shower but I did put on something other than sweat pants so thats an accomplishment) and determined....

(lots more pictures, delicious food, and a twist on that lace jacket after the jump)

I can't stop... // Saks Fifth Avenue

This week I can't stop... 
  • watching this vine....and when I'm not watching it, I'm singing it to myself. 
  • craving sour candies or lemon desserts (I didn't love either before I was pregnant)
  • searching pinterest for nursery ideas (or craigslist for places to move to before baby)
  • dreaming about fall in New England...I'm hoping for a road trip when the temperatures drop and the leaves begin to change but even just cooler temperatures like last week would do to hold me over :) 
  • checking the temperature in our apartment - it always feels so HOT! (when its 70 degrees in here)
  • smiling when I look at this picture 

I've also got another set of shots from our fun collaboration with Saks earlier this summer. At this point I was about 7 weeks pregnant (and maybe not looking it, but definitely feeling it) - I caved and told the people on the shoot and its the reason behind the smiles in these pictures :) For more looks from this shoot, follow @sakscincinnati on instagram! 

^Do shoes get more perfect than this? 

^I loved this silky floral blouse and used accessories to bring out the yellows and pinks for a fun combination
^my favorite item of clothing on any man is a long sleeved white polo ... but it was summer so we settled for short sleeved :)

On me:

High rise skinnies: J Brand
Eyelet moto jacket: Rebecca Taylor (on huge sale!)
Blouse: Joie (sold out)
Bag: Ferragamo (love this color for fall)
Pumps: Prada (yellow is sold out but this color would be amazing all year round)

Ben's polo: Burberry Brit 


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