Merry Christmas

The flock was more than peaceful
The night was dark and deep
The stillness wrapped around me
I drifted off to sleep
And when my friends awoke me
Oh, what a tale they had to tell

They said the angels told them
About a newborn King
They had a star to guide them
They heard the heavens sing
They said that when they found Him
They knew they'd never be the same

Somehow I did believe them,
Though everything I knew
Said I should not believe them
This story can't be true
But there was something magic
In the air
That made me feel as if
I had been there

I asked a thousand questions
Their answers startled me
The more I heard,
The more I thought I knew
This cannot be
And then the struggle started,
My head was wrestling with my heart.

Why would a God from Heaven
Come to the world this way?
Why in a lowly stable
Would the Messiah lay?
I shook my head and asked them
To tell the story one more time

Yes I did believe them
Though I'd not seen a thing
I did not go to Bethlehem
Or hear the angels sing
But there was something magic
In the air
That made me feel as if
I had been there

I knew that as the world moves on
through time
There would be more stories
just like mine
About the souls who've chosen
to believe
In something that they never
got to see

Do you think you'll join us
Though you've not seen a thing?
You were not there in Bethlehem
To hear the angels sing
But if you feel the spirit in the air
Then just like me you'd know

That He was here
He was here
The King of kings
And Lord of lords was here
And He will come again
For He was here

home for the holidays

cousins in Waterville

Home is a curious thing - I felt like a five year old on Christmas morning as I ran through our house, exploring every single room before I was content to stand in the kitchen and chat (eating my favorite Christmas cookies my sister had saved for me :). My house feels like a palace after living in my apartment for a semester and it's decorated like a winter wonderland thanks for my talented mother. It's so wonderful to be back! The next highlight of being home was Friday when Caleb got back from Hawaii.... seriously, it was a movie moment as we spotted each other from opposite sides of the baggage claim and ran into each others' arms (He's so tan and has facial hair - unfair and not okay :)

New England is soooo beautiful. Cousins from Texas are here till after Christmas so once Caleb had been home for a day we headed up to Waterville Valley, our favorite ski town tucked away into the picture perfect mountains of New Hampshire, for a few days of skiing, ice skating, hot chocolate, saunas, hot tubs, games, movies, and fudge.  I could live there forever - okay maybe it would get a little boring after a few weeks - but the past few days there were idyllic.

It's also so wonderful to see all the people I've missed. Being away from people makes me appreciate them a lot. There is something special about someone you can not really talk to for months and then see each other again and its like no time has passed at all.

Lauren and me on top of the mountain :)

Still on my to do list:

1. Temple with the family (tomorrow!)

2. Boston with kate

3. Dinner in the north end with daddy

4. Have andrew buy me any flavor of icecream i want

5. Eat at Bertuccis (with Catherine - obviously :)

6. Do pilates with Heather

7. Jump on the trampoline in the snow

8. Sledding

9. Read a book

10. Play games with the grandparents :)

11. Take a nap by my fireplace 

12. Make cookies in my kitchen

en route

Waiting for my flight in the SLC airport....

our "secret" activities in december :)

It's so wonderful to be completely done, well, almost completely done. I still have to submit my summary of my final New Testament project (which probably means I should finish memorizing the sermon on the mount) and write a reflection for work - but other than that ... It's Christmas break!I believe a celebration is in order.  I've concluded that Christmas vacation is so much better in college: Not only do you get to see people you've been missing for months but you have absolutely nothing that you have to do - no assignments - no reading - no homework - no papers - not tests - nothing. 

Kirsten's "sixteenth birthday" at sub zero - a much needed study break :)

I am so excited to be going home. The difference from last year is that I'm not excited to leave Utah - I'm just excited to be going home (I've come a long way in a year).  I haven't seen any of my family since August and that is much too long. I love how easy it is to be with family - how confident I am in their love for me that nothing else really matters. I love the example they set for me and what they teach me about service, love, and myself. 

some of my favorite people this past week - after ben and brookes latin final :)

Something I regretfully concluded recently: I am far too stubborn. I'd like to think that I often make decisions for good reasons - but when the reason is simply so I don't have to give in, admit that I'm wrong, admit someone else is right - its semi-problematic. I like being right too much (good thing usually I am :P) - next semester I'll start with humility 101. 

Something someone else concluded about me recently: I have "connection and commitment issues."

Food for thought: "Nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours." -c.s. lewis

counting my blessing

Things that have made me very happy in the past 48 hours:

-finishing finals

-gaining insights

-art museums

-virgin martinis 

-cookie dough

-oral exams

-watching brookie dance (and ben and kent and sadie of course)

-falling asleep (sleep in general) 

-getting roses (and chocolate :)

-long gospel discussions

-getting dressed up

-hugs

-making new friends

-being serenaded (even if it means one of my best friends is leaving)

-gossip study breaks

-cereal

-the prospect of going home

-making plans with people on the east coast :) :) :)

-courtney making delicious dinner after a long day of tests 

Highlight of my life: Later today I'll be on the east coast.

3 more days....

 A poem I memorized back in 3rd grade.... and I think it summarizes how prepared I feel for finals quite nicely. It also makes me happy.

I think, of all the things at school
A girl has got to do,
That studying hist'ry, as a rule,
Is worst of all, don't you?
Of dates there are an awful sight,
And though I study day and night,
There's only one I've got just right -
That's fourteen ninety-two.

Columbus crossed the Delaware
In fourteen ninety-two;
We whipped the British, fair an' square,
In fourteen ninety-two.
At Concord an' at Lexington.
We kept the redcoats on the run,
While the band played Johnny Get Your Gun,
In fourteen ninety-two.

Pat Henry, with his dyin' breath -
In fourteen ninety-two -
Said, "Gimme liberty or death!"
In fourteen ninety-two.
An' Barbara Frietchie, so 'tis said,
Cried, "Shoot if you must this old, gray head,
But I'd rather 'twould be your own instead!"
In fourteen ninety-two.

The Pilgrims came to Plymouth Rock
In fourteen ninety-two,
An' the Indians standin' on the dock
Asked, "What are you goin' to do?"
And they said, "We seek your harbor drear
That our children's children's children dear
May boast that their forefathers landed here
In fourteen ninety-two."

Miss Pocahontas saved the life -
In fourteen ninety-two -
Of John Smith, and became his wife
In fourteen ninety-two.
An' the Smith tribe started then an' there,
An' now there are John Smiths ev'rywhere,
But they didn't have any Smiths to spare
In fourteen ninety-two.

Kentucky was settled by Daniel Boone
In fourteen ninety-two,
And I think the cow jumped over the moon
In fourteen ninety-two.
Ben Franklin flew his kite so high
He drew the lightnin' from the sky,
And Washington couldn't tell a lie,
In fourteen ninety-two. 

Finals Week

I'm incredibly good at distracting myself in general - but my skills seemed to be heightened this time of the semester.

A current favorite: When Parents Text

I need motivation to be productive.

Idea #1: don't study in bed.

Idea #2: don't study with roommates.

Idea #3. don't study near my laptop.

Idea #4. stop blogging.

I am also done with my last Japanese quiz, done with my last political science paper, and done being stressed :)

done

Something to know about me: I care about everything more than is safe. People, school, dance, commitments, appearances and opinions too probably....To make up for that I like to pretend I don't. I also tend to set low expectations (except when it comes to people - I always have much too high expectations that really aren't fair because people can seldom ever meet them and I set myself up to be disappointed - but that's a topic for another night), or at least appear to set low expectations so that I can appear not to care so I can appear not to be disappointed.

someone once told me this was a dumb quote - but I've always liked it despite the cliche nature of it

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all." 

I am done being cautions. I am done not giving my best out of fear it won't be enough - that it won't be what I thought it was. I am done half doing things. I am done pretending not to care to not risk embarrassment. I am done worrying about what anyone else thinks. In the end I am accountable to me and to Him - so as much as I love the rest of you - I am done being concerned with your opinions.

happy happy happy :)

ugly sweater contest  - court won :)

Today was a wonderful day! ....for lots of reasons and I have concluded that life is fantastic :) (although it will be even more fantastic when my quiz is over, my paper is written, and my finals are aced). Tonight we had a ward Christmas fhe/ ugly sweater party/ bake-off/ gingerbread house decorating contest. It was fabulous. Today was also my littlest sister's birthday. When in the world did Nicole become 12 years old? I still remember when Coly turned three in Italy - whenever anyone would ask her how old she was she would respond so quickly that no one had any idea what she said, "Iturnedthreeatmysnowwhitebirthdayinbracciano." All the Italians would all just smile and nod. Nicole is a doll. She is so so sweet and whenever she does something for someone else she doesn't expect anything back. She's a lot like me in some ways - we both don't take criticism very well and hate confrontation. We like things organized (she's much cleaner than I am) and we like to be in control. She's also really fun to go out with. When I'm at hone we go shopping or out to ice cream or I just take her in the car when I need to run errands and she's great company :) She even gave up my room (her room now I guess) for me when I came home for four months this summer. She stretches with me at night and goes running with me in the morning. She snuggles with me during movies and falls asleep on my lap during church. She lets me pick what she wears when she has something important and it makes her day when she gets to borrow my clothes (yes, me, my 12 year old sister and my 13 year old sister all share clothes). It's so fun to make her happy. I am so excited to watch her grow up - twenty years from now when we have our own family reunions ....it makes me smile just thinking about it. I am so thankful to have such a great sister and I am really really really really excited to see her in 10 days :)

Coly, Lizzie, & Maddie :)

Other things I am really really really really excited for:

-eating my mother's cooking on a daily basis (key part: eating dinner as a family around our table in my favorite kitchen)

-going to boston with kate and strolling around the north end after an afternoon of art museums

-having andrew by me any flavor of ice cream I want

-talking to caleb for hours and hours when we should be sleeping

-listening to madison talk even faster than me

-having my dad wake me up (not something I enjoy at home usually - but is it weird that I'm really looking forward to that?) 

p.s. Brooke and I are telepathic. We have officially spent too much time together and understand each other so well its pathetic....and I don't plan on doing anything about it :)

"All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery-- is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy." -c.s. lewis

...and it never works. Other things can make us pleasure for awhile. I don't think it is a bad thing enjoy those small pleasures - like a good grade or a cute boy or a delicious meal. In fact, we should look for happiness in everything - But, at some point your grades will not be what you would like them, that boy won't be interested, and dinner won't taste so good - when this happens, you should not be miserable in the slightest..... because your happiness is grounded in something deeper, something stronger. The beautiful thing, is that the deeper and stronger thing isn't flippant like people, it is constant - unchanging - reliable. It is Love. It is Him.

"God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing."-c.s. lewis

Home Stretch

Thanksgiving break is a wonderful thing (we should probably have one winter semester too). It comes right when you're about to drown in school work and lets you recharge to go in and dominate finals. It was great to spend time with family and friends - my break had a rather eventful end on Sunday when I got in a small accident on the way back from Midway (I may just never drive in the snow again) - but thank goodness for wonderful friends and parents who take care of me.  It reminded me too much of that Christmas Eve that made me not want to ever get in a car again. It also reminds me of the story of Corrie ten Boom - who thanked God for the lice while living in a concentration camp (you should go read the book). But hey, things could have been much much worse so I guess I can even be thankful for car accidents.

The things standing between me and home: 

-5 days of classes

-2 papers

-finals

My goals between now and Christmas: not a comprehensive list
-serve someone everyday 

- not waste time

- over analyze everything less ( I would just stay stop over analyzing things - but lets be serious, that won't ever happen)

- go to bed by 11 on school nights (my roommates are so fun that is NEVER happens - fail.)

- not take things personally when they aren't meant that way ( I tend to do this all the time)

- listen more than I talk