People tell me how hard the first few months of marriage are, all the time.
Before I got married it was family friends or girls who knew married people.
When we got back from our honeymoon it was couples we'd meet.
When they found out we'd been married for only a few weeks, the wife would take me aside and say "I promise it gets better, the first months are hard." Without fail, that was the consensus: the beginning of marriage was the hardest.
A few weeks ago I guest posted on this wonderful blog about exactly that, those first few "rough" months of marriage. For those of you who haven't read it, I wanted to share.
---
They don’t have to be hard! They’re SO wonderful! You’ve spent your whole life, or at least your whole engagement, waiting to finally be each others, completely each others, and now you are. You’re actually married! How fantastic is that? I remember so many people telling me how rough the first few months of marriage are and how there are going to be so many things that drive you crazy. They all promised me it would get better, but at first it would be very hard.
Fact: Ben and I aren’t perfect. There are things he does that I would prefer he didn’t and things that really hurt my feelings. There are things I do I am sure he would rather never have to deal with.
Falsehood: When something bothers you it has to be a big deal, it has to be hard, or you have to take it personally.
I got a great piece of advice the week before I got married:
“When you’re hurt - NEVER think he did it on purpose.”
This has made all the difference! When he leaves dishes in the sink, or makes an off hand comment I don’t appreciate, or tells me he isn’t hungry when I’ve planned a great dinner for that night - I have to remember that he wasn’t thinking:
“It’s Elisabeth’s job to wash these anyway and she isn’t busy enough as it is,”
“I don’t care about what you said”
or “I don’t appreciate the good food my wife has worked hard to make for me”
(even if that’s the way I initially took it).
I find it really helpful to just talk to him.
“Ben, when you say this - I hear this.”
He looks at me wide-eyed and is like “that’s not what I meant at all!” and its all better :)
The first few months are a lot about communication. You’ve been communicating all along but now you live together. Now there’s an unbreakable commitment. If you can remember how much you love each other no matter what is happening...and if you can remind yourself that he loves you too much to do something like that on purpose, whatever it is... a short conversation and a long hug are all it takes to fix anything :)
Maybe this is all very naive.
Maybe it’ll get a lot harder sometime soon.
Maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about. But so far, so good! :)
Love,
Elisabeth
What do you think would be hardest about the first newly wed months?
Do you have any tips on how to make them easy?
17 comments:
I LOVE this! People always told me that as well, and I'm still waiting to be miserable:)
Does your husband come home not hungry for dinner too? The first few months we were married, I tried to be all wifey and make my husband dinner every night and when he wouldn't eat it it hurt my feelings!lol We finally got on the same page about that;)
Thanks for sharing!
Elisabeth! You hit the nail ON THE HEAD!
Our first year was awesome. That's not to say we didn't have arguments and what not, but you're very right in your counsel here.
We'll be celebrating 4 years in March, and this past year has by far been the hardest. I think we've gotten through it the way we have because, in the beginning, we didn't make it harder than it had to be. Does that make sense?
I love this post. It's fantastic.
FUTURE BRIDES OF AMERICA!! THE FIRST YEAR DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THE HARDEST!!!
Our first few months of marriage I wouldn't say were hard but I totally agree that they are about communication. He isn't trying to hurt me and doesn't think he is was an interesting lesson but so rewarding when you start to remember that! I applaud your honesty and insight!
I'm not married yet but I look forward to it someday! Thanks for the head up! And glad we can be friends!
Thanks for your sweet comment :)
sherri from SHERRI AMOUR
great advice for one day for myself! thanks so much for following my blog! I just spent the last while looking through the rest of your wedding posts. I love that you split it up and focused on a part of your wedding each week! lovely!
www.summersetsin.blogspot.com
This is a great post!! I wanted to stop by and say a big heart felt thank you for your comments on my weight loss journey on Christy's blog. So nice meeting you!!
Xoxo Hanna
I really like your blog
if you want we can be followers
This is such good post. Marriage is hard, not because you guys are bad, but because you're different and can't read minds. It's also wonderful.
This is such a great post...congrats on getting to this point!
You two look adorable together!
You and Ben are such a gorgeous couple! Marriage is just plain hard work. Brady and I have been married for 11.5 years, and we've had our share of hard times, AND good times. I wouldn't trade those hard times for anything. It's made us stronger. The absolute hardest thing to deal with early on in our marriage was holidays and how we would spend them. We married in Sept. of 2000, and never really discussed what we would do for the Holiday season a few months after we married. It was really hard splitting our time between my family and his. We didn't allow ANY time for just "us" to have a Christmas celebration. We've since altered our schedule especially since we're parents now. In time everything seems to find it's place. I love being married, and I can tell already I'm going to love keeping up with your blog. =) Thanks for the follow! I'm following back!
I heard that all the time too... and in a way it kinda was, but we've only been married a little over a year so I don't have anything to compare it to:) Still, it was wonderful! And that quote of advice that you got is super helpful to me too!
I wanted to thank you so much for stopping by! You're so sweet and I'm now a follower <3
Hey Elisabeth! Just wondering if you still wanted to be a swap sponsor? I'm putting them up this week, so let me know :)
What a great post!! And I do love the new header and design! Awesome!! :)
Digger
www.digdeeperdesign.blogspot.com
love it!! it is so important to realize that things will be hard but you two can get through it. it wasn't only our first couple of months but seriously the first year that was hard but we made through it! and we will keep going and not give up
I loved this post. :)
That is such a great way to look at it- that he is not doing those annoying little habits to be mean or hurtful. The first year of marriage wasn't too bad for us but it definitely takes some adjusting, especially to living together! One neat freak + one messy person = a bit of compromise and hard work :)
New to your blog, love this post!
Post a Comment